Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
