found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
