ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
