I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
