if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
