p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
