i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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