we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
