True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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