Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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