so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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