If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
