I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
