Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
