This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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