you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
