When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
