I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
