please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
