I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
