He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
