Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
