i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
