He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
