I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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