Too much gin, very little bucket
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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