I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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