had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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