Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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