No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
