im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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