I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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