i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
