His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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