I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
