So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
