you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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