worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
