i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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