I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
