so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
