You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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