if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
