Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
