i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She bit a glass in half.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
