New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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