yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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