ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
