all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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