After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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