I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
