So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
