You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
