Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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