at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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