i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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