were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Randomize
