sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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