well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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