theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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