I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
