People in love make me want to vomit
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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